« 2009-07-05 ( 12 edited messages ) | Main | humiliation ideas needed »

Domestic Discipline - Disciplinary Wives


From: "David" at MsChristine.com / u4ds.com
Date: Mon, 06 Jul 2009 04:08:50 +0100


Disciplinary Wives and the Domestic Discipline they administer.
by David (see "Author's Note" at the foot of this post)


I'm David, I'm a male submissive, and Christine is my lifetime
partner. Christine made me happy by becoming my disciplinary
wife some 30 years ago in 1979. Our 30th anniversary was in June
2009. I mention this to demonstrate that FemDom can lead to
longevity in relationships and it's not just about kinky sex
games in the bedroom.

Rather than talk only about us I want to explore in this brief
article some of the many facets of "Domestic Discipline" and
"Disciplinary Wives". Domestic Discipline may be practiced by
other couples, where the male is defined as the dominant
partner, and I've no doubt that works for some, but here I'm
primarily discussing FemDom relationships.

For many submissive males and their dominant partners or wives,
domestic discipline is fundamental to their loving FemDom
relationship. For some disciplinary wives it takes the form of a
household regime with precise rules and regulations defined by
the wife or dominant partner. The rules allow the male
submissive to surrender to the authority of a female who he may
passionately desire to accept as his natural superior.

Even when the couple do not subscribe to a female supremacy
philosophy or political viewpoint, they can often find release
and joy in living a FemDom lifestyle which expresses the
superiority of just one woman. She may be his Goddess in their
relationship and this may provide the raison d'etre

Whatever the basis or framework is for them. A hierarchical
structure can exist which allows for her, as the disciplinary
wife, to control their daily lives.

Many couples who would oppose the use of corporal punishment in
the wider society, will nevertheless find such disciplinary
methods are essential to enforce the wife's authority in their
private marital relationship. The domestic discipline can be
mild or harsh.

Disciplinary rituals like daily spankings or mild floggings are
indulged in by some, not as a punishment for an infraction of
the rules, but simply as a reminder to the male submissive of
the authority of his loving wife.

For such FemDom couples spanking can be an act of intimacy that
is more intense and satisfying than a kiss and a cuddle. It may
be a way to mark the end of the working day or week with
something to set the mood back into "home" mode.

The dominant wife might send the husband to take a shower when
he comes home from work on a Friday night, with an instruction
along the lines of "get yourself cleaned up dear, I want to give
you your weekly spanking before we go out for dinner."

Other couples will use more harsh punitive measures like the,
slipper, the tawse, the cane or even a riding crop or whip as a
direct punishment for particular offences or breaches of a set
of rules.

There are many submissive male husbands who physically crave
such treatment, often known as pain sluts or masochists, for
whom ritual discipline sessions may be seen as a rewarding
experience, physically releasing endorphins which cause them to
feel those body chemicals as an emotional 'high' during the
experience.

For other male subs, like myself, the pain is not directly a
pleasurable physical sensation, far from it, but the surrender
to strict feminine discipline is more of an emotional need. The
female order, guidance and punishment for rules broken is so
satisfying that the pain is not merely a price worth paying but
is essential to making the female authority more real and
apparent.

Whatever the style of "Domestic Discipline" a particular couple
indulges in, however mild or harsh the disciplinary methods, for
them the lifestyle can be real FemDom. Such couples may have
made an overt agreement to have a FemDom relationship. But for
others it's just natural for the woman to be the authority
figure in the household, and her disciplinary nature rules their
day to day life without acknowledging it as being something
called FemDom.

For some couples there are clearly defined boundaries where
certain types of behaviour have consequences. Male masturbation
is often strictly frowned upon and controlled by disciplinary
wives. For others the behaviours controlled may be more simple
things like not leaving the toilet seat up or controlling his
smoking and drinking.

When the lady of the house is a disciplinary wife, the rules of
the house could be enforced by her permanently and 24/7 but not
necessarily overtly. For many submissive male husbands, a stern
look from the dominant wife is all that is needed to keep him in
line especially if he knows that she has the power to take him
over her knee whenever she wants, and that she will use that
power.

Other disciplinary wives prefer to control their husbands by
restricting his spending money, controlling other privileges, or
even by restricting rewards like permission to make love or
granting him a special treat like female supervised masturbation
only when he has been a "good boy".

Even if micro-management is not the order of the day, what often
differentiates this type of relationship from a hen-pecked
husband and nagging wife is the overt agreement to accept the
"carrot" and the "stick" as part of the system of control.
Nagging is never necessary if obedience is guaranteed.

Whether you prefer the "carrot" or the "stick" as an approach to
guarantee the obedience of the male, sometimes exercising the
power to impose a physical punishment is more effective and
useful from time to time to reinforce the knowledge that he
needs evidence of. The knowledge that his Disciplinary Wife is
in overall control.

Domestic discipline can allow both partners in a relationship to
express their fundamental natures in a more overt manner than is
conventional and for male submissives and dominant females this
is a recipe for true happiness for the couple.

Because both partners know where they stand, (or kneel) it
enables them to escape the disagreements or tensions that less
clearly defined "conventional" relationships may suffer from.
Thus the loving and nurturing relationship flowers and blooms in
a way that many modern households don't experience.

There is no need for a power struggle between them. Typical
gender roles are not imposed upon them by their acceptance of
cultural norms. The submissive husband is free to accept the
dominant wife's role as a mentor and protector as well as the
disciplinarian if he wishes. Indeed she may be the breadwinner
in the household as well.

Alternatively, he may fulfil the role of both mentor and
protector for her, yet accept her authority and power to have
the last word - whichever gender is in the bread-winning role.

The point is that their relationship is not defined by cultural
norms whether conventional or learned from internet web sites.
Instead their relationship is defined by her rules, or at the
very least her disciplinarian role, which they have mutually
accepted and/or agreed upon.

There are couples where the husband wishes to surrender to
absolute control over his life, not just socially and sexually,
but financially. Indeed I suggested this as the ideal to
Christine 30 years ago when we first met because I thought it
was what I wanted and needed. We tried it, and it wasn't quite
right for us.

We've found that it's important not to accept other people's
definitions, or even your own first ideas of what FemDom means,
as though it's set in stone. Instead try and define quite
precisely which aspects will work for both of you in your own
relationship. This may mean that by trial and error you will
find what works best for you, and this should allow the
relationship to grow and change, as many healthy relationships
do over the years.

In a loving relationship where the dominant wife controls and
corrects for both his and their mutual benefit an intense level
of trust can enhance the marriage in ways that other
conventional relationships may not always benefit from. Male
submission to loving female control is empowering to both and
brings the couple closer in ways which some conventional couples
would find hard to understand.

If poetic love is in essence a form of submission, and if mature
love is respect for each others needs wants and desires, then
with domestic discipline there is a mechanism by which a
disciplinary wife can show respect and love through his need to
surrender to her.

Some folk are troubled by the details of how they will be able
to enjoy this lifestyle in the presence of others, and how they
should act in public. The answer for me is simple, act
naturally.

I'm not going to "misbehave" in public, but if I did and
Christine said "you'll regret that when I get you home", the
public would likely see it as a joke, and only I would enjoy the
knowledge that I will probably "regret" it, when I get home.

How does a loving father behave in front of the kids? He defers
to the loving mother, and if she requires he show the kids a
firm fatherly manner, he will find it easier to do so with her
full support.

What happens at family dinners? You eat!

Afterwards the submissive male will appear to be quite dominant
in his insistence on doing the washing up, and will brook no
nonsense about stacking it all in the dishwasher instead. Unless
and until, of course, the disciplinary wife insists upon it.
Then he will quite graciously accept. Either way whether he
washes the dishes or stacks them in the dishwasher it's a win
win situation.

What do you do when going out with friends? In my experience you
do just the same as everyone else does. The public will only see
what they want to see. The submissive male and his disciplinary
wife look like any other couple until he is over her knee, and
that's not likely to happen when you are out with friends.

There are folk who suggest that some couples are totally open
about their lifestyle, while others maintain a secretive way of
life which they only practice behind closed doors. In my
experience, for us, neither is precisely true and and I don't
think either needs to be true.

I don't expect other people to broadcast all the details of
their relationships to all and sundry, or indeed to me. Nor do
Christine and I feel the need to broadcast our intimate details
in social interaction.

We are perhaps unusual in that we are "out" publicly on the web,
but strangely that has little or no effect on our relationships
with family and friends, either because those that do know would
rather not know, or they don't care, or quite simply they don't
know because they don't visit "kinky" web sites.

For most couples this will not be an issue because most FemDom
couples don't have web sites where they publish the details of
their lives anyway. Most FemDom couples would probably use
common sense and not use their real names when posting messages
on web sites. But even if they did not use common sense, their
friends would not necessarily see their posts.

It is not always clear to others who makes the final decision in
our relationship. But like many married couples, it would not be
at all unusual for the husband to leave the final decision on
anything the public or friends interacted with or observed to
the wife. Whether it's normal or conventional to defer to my
partner I don't really know or care, it's what I do.

There is no one true way to do FemDom, and there is no simple
definition of "Domestic Discipline" it is what the couple wants
it to be. If you have the good fortune to be the husband of a
"Disciplinary Wife" then you will likely know how intensely
satisfying it is to be disciplined by her.

If your wife has yet to grow into her role as your Goddess or
disciplinarian then don't rush her, and don't define what a
FemDom relationship is like. Let it happen by being open and
honest about your desires when she wants to talk about them and
encourage her to know and understand what her needs and desires
are.

It's unlikely that you met in a slave market, and if you did not
it's equally unlikely that she will find your slavery is a role
which immediately appeals to her. But a loving husband who is
prepared to accept her discipline and control in the way she
wishes to express it is something she may find more to her
taste.

Communication will be essential between you to establish a way
to do it that is satisfying to both of you. It has to be satisfying
to you both, or it will not be likely to be satisfying to either.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Author's note:

The article above is my own original article but I think most
fairly described as "re-written by me" after seeing one entitled
"Domestic Discipline" which is currently posted on multiple web
pages. (on perhaps a dozen different web sites)

Although I was inspired to write on the subject myself, we were
unable to post that "Domestic Discipline" article for me to
discuss and reply to here without being certain that we had the
author's permission.

Whenever we are in doubt about the copyright permissions for
articles submitted for inclusion on DOMestic we use Google to
check for identical material posted elsewhere. We understand
that the "Domestic Discipline" article may have originated at
"yesmistress" (dot) "org" as this is the first site in our
Google search results linked here.

In my own article I have only used a few phrases from the
original in order to expand upon, discuss and question some of
the ideas.

I trust I have managed to open the subject for discussion here
on DOMestic while giving credit where due to the original work
via an indirect Google link.

If the author of the "Domestic Discipline" article referred to
above wishes to post it here with a statement of his right to
publish, we will of course be pleased to link to the source
directly.

sincerely,
David at Ms-Christine.com

The Fem Dom Training Software.
Advises on how best to train your husband/lover.

[Password] [Books] [Fem Dom Software] [Victor Bruno] [Videos / Dvd]

Replies.                                                                                    

   

Hello,

I haven't posted here in years, but as I have stuff on my mind,
I thought I would try to put it into words around this article.

David wrote:

>Our 30th anniversary was in June 2009. I mention this to
>demonstrate that FemDom can lead to longevity in relationships
>and it's not just about kinky sex games in the bedroom.

I have been with my Wife for 15 years (on and off). Femdom has
been a part of our lives sometimes but lots of, uhm, issues get
in the way.

>For some disciplinary wives it takes the form of a household
>regime with precise rules and regulations defined by the wife
>or dominant partner.

Or even for some naturally dominant women with sometimes
assertive husbands that want to submit but can't cope with
certain crazy tendencies or ideas they don't/can't agree with.

>Disciplinary rituals like daily spankings or mild floggings are
>indulged in by some, not as a punishment for an infraction of
>the rules, but simply as a reminder to the male submissive of
>the authority of his loving wife.

There was a period when our day started - and continued - like
that. Made it quite difficult to concentrate while in the
office!

>For other male subs, like myself, the pain is not directly a
>pleasurable physical sensation, far from it, but the surrender
>to strict feminine discipline is more of an emotional need. The
>female order, guidance and punishment for rules broken is so
>satisfying that the pain is not merely a price worth paying but
>is essential to making the female authority more real and
>apparent.

And that can be a feeling that simply doesn't go away. Even if
one believes the whole thing is male fantasy, selfishness,
stupid. When one knows the Woman needs to be protected from the
world, supported - needs to depend on strength in bad times.

>There is no need for a power struggle between them.

Would that it were always so.

>There are couples where the husband wishes to surrender to
>absolute control over his life, not just socially and sexually,
>but financially -snip- We tried it, and it wasn't quite right
>for us.

Seems to me that that isn't quite right for any person. YMMV.

>allow the relationship to grow and change, as many healthy
>relationships do over the years -snip- don't define what a
>FemDom relationship is like. Let it happen by being open and
>honest about your desires when she wants to talk about them
>and encourage her to know and understand what her needs and
>desires are.

As has been said, sometimes any expression of these desires can
be difficult.

Conventional sexual relationships, for me, are not so erotic as
Femdom ones. Right now my Wife desires sex more than i. i'm not
so aroused by her for conventional sex so fantasise about
others. Perhaps this is normal when couples are so familiar to
each other. Perhaps also when people change and for example
don't have the figure they had 10 years ago. So it is difficult
for me and i think She grows frustrated by this. There are other
factors as always but i won't digress.

Seems to me that my wife might have a much more rewarding sex
life if She took another stroll down the avenue of taking charge
in the bedroom etc. But we continued to negotiate about RL. It
is a fact that i would very soon be so focused on Her that i
wouldn't need to fantasise.

Hinting occurred to me - signing up her email address to
DOMestic or purchasing the training software. Some might do that
but it seems like that would be me forcing the issue and my
needs at the expense of Hers. Doesn't seem right.

So, i'm at an impasse - unable to honestly be the Dominant male
and satisfy her which She wants sometimes but couldn't really
live with as her nature is to be in charge. Unable to be the
submissive husband that She want's sometimes and that i know
would be rewarding for myself.

i recall the excitement a little while back when she remarked on
wanting a naked slave to come and clean all her shoes. So
naturally, i did that - cleaned and polished some 30 pairs.
Hoping maybe that she would take a step - but it didn't happen.

That's enough from me but there's not too much traffic on the
list so I don't feel too bad about rambling and haven't even
edited much as it probably says more about me if i don't. Lots
of folk on this list are insightful - i'd appreciate any
perspective.


In Re: X: FemDom Training Program XP IE8, Christine wrote:

>Looking ahead to 2022 (another 13 years) we wonder whether
>we'll have some new technology going and be zapping it straight
>into your brains by then. :-)

Best to all and thanks for such a good resource - hope you're
around a lot longer still but am not really sure i want stuff
uploaded directly to my head yet!

manyana

   

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