« February 2012 | Main | April 2012 »

March 1, 2012

cuddling, spanking, bondage and role-play

Date: Thu, 1 Mar 2012 18:49:23 +0000
From: Autumn

I'm a 61 year old woman, since a few years on my own again after
a long and for the latter part most unfulfilling marriage of
which the last 5 years we slept separately.

Since 5 months I have a 'relationship' that stutters on a few
cylinders. We live about 500 miles apart, and he's been here
three times now. The problem (if that is the word) is that he
wants me to dominate. Dom/sub is something I'd never encountered
before, although I knew it existed.

My own sexual experience up till now had been pretty average:
groping, hardly any foreplay, and penetration. If I have to be
honest, 'frustrating and repetitive' would be an apt
description. He is becoming quite important to me. I'm not in
love, but I thoroughly enjoy his company, the banter, the
exchange of tastes in books, music, etc. He is growing on me. I
would love to keep seeing him for a long time to come. Although
it'll only be 12 times a year at the most that we'll meet up,
due to the distance, I think I can live with that, because the
times together are so fulfilling to me. I physically react to
him in a way I've never experienced before.

I'll get to the point. Although spanking, bondage, etc were
completely novel to me, I've engaged in those activities because
it thoroughly turns him on. Because I wanted to know what the
sensations were that I caused, I've been subjected to it as well
at my own request, and found it rather titillating and arousing.
But I only like it in a playful, soft, way. He likes it much
harder and longer.

I am not sure how to proceed now. I'd rather stick to living out
fantasies in and around the house, (although the odd naughty
private game in public is also part of my fantasies), but he
often talks about taking me to clubs for participation of third
parties. Although admittedly I can fantasise about that, I am
pretty sure that acting out those fantasies would result in a
nasty hangover for me. As you see, I am not staid in my
convictions. I am curious, and willing to explore, to indulge,
to indulge him, but up to a certain point. If what happens
crosses a line, it would then leave a taste in my mouth that
would be difficult to get rid of. I'm afraid it would ruin/spoil
things between us.

On the other hand - when I introduced him to the delights of
simple cuddling - something he had no experience with and was
initially not interested in - he was surprised that he liked it
so much. You see - we're both learning things from each other.

My question is - as he has had his fantasies for many years but -
as I gather - hardly had the opportunity to act them out, is it
possible that his fantasies became harder because of that? I
don't want to restrict him, but neither do I want to get into
territory that's uncomfortable for me.

In a Dom/sub relationship, is it 'allowed' to drop the role-play
every now and then? I mean - the way things are going thus far,
he comes up for 3 days at the most. I am happy to be Dominant
for a while; it is quite appealing. But I also have my own
desires, which definitely would involve snuggling up to each
other, cuddling. I have been without physical warmth for so many
years, and I crave it so much. Does this stand perpendicular to
Dom/sub? How can I fit that in without destroying/interrupting?

Sorry if I seem clumsy, but what is happening in my life now is
so bewildering, so exciting, so... dunno how to describe it. I
don't want to ruin it, but still want be able to find myself in
it. I do not believe I'm the only one who finds herself in this
position, but it's hardly a subject I can talk about with my
less adventurous friends.

Any suggestions or advice you can give me would be most



« February 2012 | Main | April 2012 »