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fear femdom procedures too kinky for my wife

Date: Thu, 30 Sep 2010 12:45:27 +0100 (BST)
From: Tom Chambers

Hello Christine,

I would like my wife to try some of the femdom procedures I
think might be in your training packages. However, I fear she
may be a bit reluctant to try them because she thinks they are
too kinky... any advice?


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Hello Tom,

>I would like my wife to try some of the femdom procedures I
>think might be in your training packages

The most important issue is for you to want to do whatever she
enjoys. But while you are reluctant to submit your will to hers,
she is going to be reluctant to become your dominant, and she
will not enjoy it when she experiments with it. She will sense
that reluctance and may interpret it as criticism of her attempt
at control.

With regard to my "training packages" the software is her best
bet, as it is interactive and allows her to go at her own pace.
But do not order it unless and until she says she wants to try
it. It should be her decision, not yours.

>I fear she may be a bit reluctant to try them because she
>thinks they are too kinky... any advice?

Yes, put on your chastity belt and try to stop your tendency to
be the controller. :-)

I can't speak for your wife, as I don't know her personally. In
my own case I would not like my partner to decide what might be
a bit "too kinky" for me. I'd prefer my partner to be completely
honest with me and tell me that he is interested in submitting
to anything that appeals to my sense of fun. I'd prefer him to
tell me he wants to submit to my will, and that he has put on a
chastity belt to try and kerb his tendency to be controlling.

I'd want him to explain that the device helps him to feel in my
power. I'd want him to offer me the power to decide when he
wears it, and I'd want him to tell me he would enjoy suffering
sexual frustration if that entertained me. Especially if that
entertained me.

I'd want him to tell me that for him the more kinky the better
as it helps him to feel under my power. I'd want him to explain
himself to me and I'd want him to be honest.

In "female led relationships and marriage" at:-


you previously wrote:

>I have started on the foot rubs. She enjoys receiving them and
>I enjoy giving them. So fun for us both!

How is that going? If that's what she enjoys then try to find
more stuff that she likes as Ms Irish suggested.

>for me the desire to be in charge is very strong - unless I am
>in chastity, (strangely :-).

Tell her that. And ask her if she would enjoy deciding when and
if to let you be in charge and when to stop you.

>I did try and introduce this subject a few years back and my
>wife thought it was all a bit too kinky.

Your best bet is to try and explain to her why being "a bit too
kinky" is exciting for you. Ask her if there is anything you can
do to prove to her that you really would enjoy her being "a bit
too kinky".

Be honest with her. Offer her your submission. Offer her the
power to control. And put on that chastity belt.


The Fem Dom Training Software.
Advises on how best to train your husband/lover.


Hello Christine

Many thanks indeed for your reply. A quick update... I am locked
in my belt. My wife has the keys and I have a spare set locked
in a key safe for emergencies which only my wife knows the
number too.

It has only been since the 18th August 2010 that she has been
holding the keys but it feels much longer!

I am giving her foot rubs and cooking and shopping and generally
helping out which she seems to like. She has said there will be
no sex until I have paid off her credit card debt which we
jointly incurred some time back. She does let me have the keys
when she feels like it - if I have been particularly good. I
seem to be getting out every 8 -12 days on average.

It is a challenge for me to submit to her will consistently. I
am just getting that she has the keys and can decide if and when
I come out. My mind of course tells me that I am still in
control and can ask for them back or find another escape route.

I have asked her to give me a spanking for my birthday - later
this month. I do not know if I will receive one from her.

I think, once the credit card debt is paid she may be more open
to trying the 'fem dom' lifestyle - at which time, I may be
brave and show her your site. I think she would be good at it
and it would fulfill a long term yearning of mine that I am keen
to explore.

Thanks for your advice :-)

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