DOMestic Bdsm and Female Domination

I have been a slave for about five years and it is an up and
down journey. Give him some time. Once a slave has a taste, they
can't live without it. At times they may have doubts or question
their life choice but they will come back.

Basic rule of training: If puppy loses interest in Mistress,
Mistress can regain his full attention by turning around and
running in the opposite direction.

Avril, first off, have a little faith in the 5 year long
relationship you've already established with your slave. A
connection like that isn't broken in a couple of months. But
don't allow your slave to languish in this state of limbo. Make
limbo a truly painful experience; one from which he'll need to
escape.

Take a leap of faith and calmly depart from your slave.

Fear is a very powerful emotion. It can stop a man cold. You
can't really blame him if you're asking for a serious lifestyle
change, but you don't want him to do nothing for the rest of his
life. To produce the result that you want you need to make it
very uncomfortable for him to be without you. He needs to be
painfully aware of his loss to find the courage to step off the
cliff.

My advice is to get him to stop thinking. You need to give him a
good shove to force him into a completely reactive state. To do
that, simply leave. Cut off his access to you. Delete his
emails, ignore his phone calls, make no excuses to see him or
contact him in any way and most of all, make lots of plans with
other potential slaves immediately. Put everything he loves and
needs in jeopardy of him losing it. He needs to know there are
other men who are waiting to step right in and that if he fails
to act immediately he will have lost any chance at happiness at
all.

Don't worry that he won't be in touch. After all, he knows where
you live. Give him the opportunity to come crawling back to you.
He will feel completely off balance and lost until he takes the
first step back to you. At this point, you can reestablish the
path to marriage and slavery. You can even raise the bar.

If you leave him in limbo all by himself eventually the pain (or
even the lack of pleasure) will eventually cause him to want to
get out of limbo. If you are his safest place to be, if you are
his comfort, then that's where he's naturally going to want to
be. But he's not going to see that unless you remove yourself
from the equation entirely. Give him the motivating fear that
comes from being without you until that fear is greater than his
fear of being with you as your slave.

Trust in his need for you. Use it like a slap to shake him from
his fear.

Madam

I want to thank the responses to my personal email account.
This is very helpful. Also, I think Tom's response is a very
good one. I would like to hear more from Tom either on this list
or my private email:

PriestessAvril@Yahoo.com

Thank you again to this list. I have been a member for many
years and I have found DOMestic to be very helpful and the posts
interesting and useful.

I am glad I could help. It is tough for a guy to give up
control. Even after 5 years I have trouble. Today was my wife's
boyfriend's birthday and he stopped by early this morning to
claim his present. She had been talking about his birthday for
awhile and I was getting concerned that maybe they were getting
too close. I love her and have given her control as a heart felt
present to show my love. I don't want to lose her.

Well, how are things going?

Tom

Dear Madamplz,

Thank you for your thoughtful and detailed response. I agree
with what you say but right now I am working on the outer world
part of our relationship. I am taking a step by step approach to
the situation. I want for us to have everything straightened out
with family, business and finances. This has helped to restore
our relationship and making it more healthy.

Now instead of leaving him (remember we live together so I would
be leaving my home) I have put slavery on hold. I told my slave
it is a gift that I will NOT give unless he is willing to accept
it. Now he is very hungry for it and I throw him a bone.

I totally agree that he can not just sit on his hands forever in
a state of limbo. I am trying to time the situation and am
observing his reactions. When it is time I will get more strict
and ease him back into it. We had a Mistress/slave relationship
not a Mistress/sub relationship.

I have removed the comfort by telling him I won't put up with
this forever and I have my limits. I am not playing games with
him but giving him a bit of leash for the time being.

There are factors coming into play here: he is 52 yo, has a very
challenging job, has really lived slavery with me for an
extended period of time. We had family interference (they don't
know about slavery) and his business partner. He was also
married 27 years and divorced 2 years ago. Now slavery and a new
marriage. Now he has a pseudo mid-life crisis.

There is always a plan B.

Best regards,
Priestess Avril

Avril wrote:

>I have removed the comfort by telling him I won't put up with
>this forever and I have my limits. I am not playing games with
>him but giving him a bit of leash for the time being.

>There are factors coming into play here: he is 52 yo, has a
>very challenging job, has really lived slavery with me for an
>extended period of time. We had family interference (they don't
>know about slavery) and his business partner. He was also
>married 27 years and divorced 2 years ago. Now slavery and a
>new marriage. Now he has a pseudo mid-life crisis.

If I have a dog that pulls against his leash, and therefore, my
arm, giving him a bit of leash is the last thing I'd do. He'd
only be further away from me pulling against his leash. Rather,
I'd give him a hard snap of the leash every time he even starts
to pull against it until he learns that pulling against his
collar causes him discomfort, not me.

With all due respect, once he heard you say "I won't put up with
this forever" his brain most certainly filled in "but for now
I'm going to put up with it". He's going to hold you to that for
as long as is humanly possible. Why wouldn't he? I know you
didn't mean to but you just took a step backward and drew a new
line in the sand. You lowered the bar. You sacrificed your
comfort for his.

Training is always going on whether you're training your dog, or
your dog is training you. You just taught your dog that you will
jump through a hoop. If you do not turn this around immediately
he's going to hold that hoop up for you again until you are the
slave in the relationship regardless of who wears the collar.

I would tell you the same thing if this was a vanilla
relationship because this is a relationship issue not a
Mistress/slave issue. If one party should suddenly go into a
state of inertia the relationship can only move forward if the
other party moves.

I'm not sure I follow your line of reasoning as stated above.
I'm unsure of how his age would figure in to his slavery, nor
whether or not his family or business partner knows the nature
of your relationship, nor what his former marriage has to do
with anything. What I hear you saying is that you're willing to
excuse him based on a "pseudo" mid-life crisis, another term I
don't understand. What is a pseudo mid-life crisis?

Are you saying he's pretending to have a mid-life crisis, or
that what's causing his crisis is too much thinking? I'm
thinking the latter is what's true. He needs a virtual face slap
to snap out of it.

You say he divorced two years ago. I don't recall in your first
post if you said how long you were together but if it's less
than one year then I would think it's too early to be
considering marriage at all. Be that as it may, all the other
factors you mention above really have nothing to do with
anything.

If he's telling you these things should be accepted by you as
some sort of legitimate reason for bringing the relationship to
a stand still, then hear what he's really telling you. He's
saying that he's put you last in line behind all those other
things. He would only tell you that for one of two reasons.
Either it's the truth, in which case you should call a moving
van immediately, or you've given him a reason to believe that
YOU feel it's okay for him to put you last.

If you give him that choice he's going to take the path of least
resistance. From your statements above my guess is that the
latter is true.

You have confirmed the very thing you do not want him to
believe, that you are willing to wait because he is what you've
decided you want. Right now, he's the one with the power in the
relationship. You can change that or not but it would be a
mistake to believe that what you did will get you closer to your
goal.

The next thing that is likely to happen is that your tolerance
level will go down because you didn't get what you wanted; he
did. You're likely to become more angry about that as time goes
on as he will continue to put you last. He's most likely going
to perceive your anger as a loss of love.

You said "I told my slave it is a gift that I will NOT give
unless he is willing to accept it. Now he is very hungry for it
and I throw him a bone."

Do you mean you're not dominating him or you are dominating him?
I'm not sure. Are you saying all he has to do to get your
attention is show you he wants it? So, he gets you dominating
him whether or not he moves forward in solidifying your marriage
plans? I don't think that's going to produce the result you'd
stated you wanted in your previous post.

When I talk about a Plan B what I mean is a plan that is likely
to produce the result I want when Plan A has failed. I don't
think you have a Plan B at this point. You've only put your Plan
A on hold and Plan A will most certainly continue to produce the
same result - inertia.

Still, I wish you the best. I like seeing women get what they
want by watching what their partners do, as opposed to listening
to what their partners say. I think you may be listening too
hard and not seeing enough.

Madam

The follow up by Priestess Avril is at:-

Real life Fem Dom