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C: Newbie/Intro - figuring out expectations and rules
Date: Wed, 27 Feb 2008 22:37:46 -0800
From: "Ashen Spirit"

Hello everyone,

My name is Monica, but most online know me as Ashen, I have been
in a relationship for 8 years, living together for the past
five.

We've been talking about bondage and the like for a while now,
playing with it lightly but now are looking to go further and
truly make it a part of our lifestyle, although we both admit
that we don't really know what we're doing. Thus joining the
group and talking to people. :)

I don't know if anyone else is in our situation it's a little
different than norm, he's a submissive, and I'm dominant but
he's also bi so we have a lot of play with strap-ons as well as
other forms of intercourse.

I haven't collared him yet and sometimes I nervous that I'm not
creative enough when it comes to 'sessions' or punishments. He
loves me dearly and while committed to being my sub he is a
strong man with strong convictions and we don't want him being a
sub to turn into him being 'whipped'. He is still my partner, my
mate, I am just his 'alpha'.

(not meaning I'm better than him, that is just our preferred
title for me instead of mistress it's alpha),

Right now my biggest problem is that I seem to have difficulty
figuring out what my expectations and rules are...

I don't want to punish for petty things because.... all his life
he's kinda been the rebel type, it's something i like about him,
when I talk about collaring him I mean the 'breaking stage'. I
want him as my sub but I don't want him to be like an obedient
dog at my beck and call.

Thanks for any info/advice.
Monica

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Re: C: Newbie/Intro - figuring out expectations and rules
Date: 29 Feb 2008 12:23:30 -0000
From: Mark

Hi Monica.

First of all, keep one thing in mind; the BDSM lifestyle is as
varied as the people involved in it. We all bring our likes,
dislikes and prejudices into the lifestyle, just as we do in
anything we get into.

Thus there is no "right" or "wrong" way to practice the
lifestyle. It depends on the couple involved and what works for
them. Just as in a vanilla relationship, communication is the
key.

I'm going to give you a bit of info on my background and
marriage so you can see one way of practicing it.

I'm 46, with nearly 30 years experience in BDSM, always as a
submissive, as that's my nature. Having been involved in local
BDSM groups in the past, I learned a few things: We are all
different, (as I stated), there is an infinite variety of ways
to practice the lifestyle, and despite the best efforts of many
to claim otherwise, there is no dominant gender. It all depends
on one's sexual and psychological makeup, and how it expresses
itself.

My wonderful Wife is the Head of the Household and the final
decision maker in our marriage, but She wants, needs and values
my input, advice and thoughts. As people we are equals, it's in
the dynamics of our relationship that we are not, having a TPE,
(Total Power Exchange). Thus your comments on being your
partner's "alpha" is very understandable and apt in your
relationship.

We are as much a DD, (Domestic Discipline) couple as we are Ds,
and this approach works for us. We do practice S&M as well, but
that's more in play, the DD and Ds aspects of our marriage are
for real, and are very sharply defined and followed. My Wife
abhors disobedience and brattiness, and at the slightest sign of
either one, I am punished. This is not an issue with us, the
boundaries are agreed upon, set, known and followed, no need for
discussion in that regard, though I am allowed a chance to
explain myself.

For example, I have a daily chore list, if all the chores aren't
done, I am given a chance to explain why; If I had to go and
take care of something else, then I wouldn't be punished, if I
spent too much time on the computer, then I would be punished.
Keep in mind that if you do decide on rules and punishments,
that they don't have to be corporal ones.

I too am a strong man with strong convictions and my Wife never
wants to change that. It's just in the dynamics of our marriage
that the power exchange is complete, in other situations it
varies as is appropriate, but I'm never dominant in our
marriage.

I hope this provided a bit of insight into what works for one
couple.

Mark

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C: food and body size control in Ds
Date: 27 Feb 2008 16:45:31 -0000
From: JockTrainee190

Re: Sadorexia thread

I'm a gay man and have extensive experience in having my food
and body size controlled by dom gay-bi male trainers and would
very much like to talk about it with someone.

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Re: C: food and body size control in Ds
Date: Thu, 28 Feb 2008 01:20:25 +0000
From: "Christine" at u4ds.com

Hello,

JockTrainee190 wrote that he:

>would very much like to talk about it with someone

Did you mean you would like to talk about your experiences here
on DOMestic?

If so, please feel free to post your opinion, experiences and/or
questions.

If not here, then you might like to say where in the world you
are, and then folk here may be able to suggest something else
for you.

sincerely,
Christine

http://u4ds.com

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Re: C: food and body size control in Ds
Date: Wed, 27 Feb 2008 21:19:16 -0800 (PST)
From: JockTrainee190

I'm in central California and I didn't want to presume to post a
long story about my own gay sadorexia experiences with dominant
male tops without getting a sense that this board was frequented
by other gay men.

It's a rare enough occurrence to find ANY reference to this
activity - I've posted on a wide variety of gay and straight
BDSM-oriented boards for the past five years and gotten NO
response - so when I say "talk about", I guess I mean: are there
other gay men into it? are they reading this board? would they
like to get in contact with me?

The URL to my Yahoo 360 page is

http://360.yahoo.com/jocktrainee190

where the first few posts of my blog go in great detail about my
experiences for anyone interested.

jocktrainee190@yahoo.com

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Re: C: Frustrated and Desperate
Date: 27 Feb 2008 15:10:06 -0000
From: stevesatinlover

I think you should kick that loser to the curb, and explore the
millions of good, quality submissives out there who not only
would lovingly appreciate your Dominance, but you as well.

http://www.mrs-silk.com

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Re: C: Frustrated and Desperate
Date: 27 Feb 2008 12:07:57 -0000
From: Mark

Let's see; he cheated on you, (I'm guessing this wasn't worked
out beforehand with either of you), he is disobedient and
bratty, having continually challenged you and other Dommes, he
has played at being both Dom and sub, but only when he's "into"
it, and your sex life has virtually ended.

A question here, was going to the swingers club his idea?

All this points to someone that merely plays at BDSM, which
there is nothing wrong with, IF both parties want to do that. He
sounds more like a bottom than a true submissive, and that's ok
as well, UNLESS you want a true Ds relationship.

My advice on this is simple; if he is going to cheat on you,
(and BTW, that "playing with their sexual energy" line is pure
crap), ignore you and your needs, (be they BDSM based or not),
and focus on what he wants out of the relationship only, then
you're better off without him. He sounds like nothing more than
a player.

Right now it sounds like he's a manipulative jerk that cares
about nothing but himself.

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Re: C: Frustrated and Desperate
From: Madamplz
Date: Wed, 27 Feb 2008 13:52:30 EST

HTB wrote about her ten year relationship with her boyfriend.

In her post she wrote:

>"He was going through a divorce and messy child custody suit,
>which impacted his attitudes".

A man who is already in a relationship with someone else at the
time he starts one up with you is most probably going to treat
you as cavalierly as he does the woman in his last relationship.

HTB said later:

>"and yet I feel that I'd be violating basic ethics".

I think the violation of ethics occurred at the time HTB
knowingly entered or stayed in a relationship with a man who was
already involved in a relationship elsewhere. On her boyfriend's
side, I see no issue of ethics as he doesn't seem to have them
based on what she's told us. The initial fault may have been
with him but when HTB learned of it and stuck around she agreed
to accept unacceptable behavior.

Further, she gave him an indication of what behavior she finds
acceptable within her own relationships. She set the bar very
low for this man and in doing so she may have set herself up for
current events years ago.

She wrote:

>"I changed the locks and threw him out. We got back together
>with the idea that we would try and make things work again".

For something to work again, it has to have worked at one time.
When you're speaking of things working in a relationship a week,
a month, even a year may not be enough time to really know if
it's working especially when one partner routinely practices
deception. Looking at your timeline while considering the
deception he's practices now stretches things to the entire
length of your relationship. In other words, no matter how
wonderful he may have seemed at the beginning he was already
setting you up for a fall way back then.

HTB wrote:

>"About 2 years ago our relationship started to take a downward
>turn"

Again, you're operating under the delusion that your
relationship was working prior to that. In my opinion, it was
probably dysfunctional to begin with and it was simply an
illusion that it began to fail two years ago.

HTB wrote:

>"I'd like to have some advice on what I should do."

First off, HTB needs to take control and permanently leave. This
man has nothing to offer anyone that's positive until he figures
out what's wrong with himself and fixes it. It's not HTB's job
to fix him. Trying to fix him so he fits into her life will only
complicate her life further and keep her from meeting men who
may be worthwhile. It will also preoccupy her and keep her from
doing the following.

HTB needs to take a good hard look at what caused her to stay
with such a dishonest person to begin with. What need was she
trying to fill in having a relationship when she began hers with
him?

Why did she settle for a relationship with a man who was not
free to form a complete relationship with her?

Why does she want to salvage this relationship even now that
she's become aware of some of his many betrayals?

What will it prove to HTB if she can make this relationship
work?

How will it validate her?

Is she using him to punish herself by being with someone who is
consistent only in his abandonment and betrayal of those he
loves?

Have these things been components of her previous relationships
with men, perhaps a father figure?

This is not just personality flaws in her boyfriend sabotaging
the relationship. HTB needs to understand why she's been
shooting herself in the foot.

Until HTB can answer those questions it's probable that she will
continue to shortchange herself with unworthy men. These others
will all likely bear an astounding resemblance to this man.

I think HTB is correct when she said:

>"I think he's just not into it with me"

HTB, walk away. Spend some time trying to understand your own
motivations behind being with such a person. Once you understand
what that person represents in your life it will be so much
easier for you to see such a person coming and avoid them in
future.

If you have a history of unhealthy relationships you need to be
very careful about staying in relationships that "feel right".
That feeling isn't right as much as it is comfortable and that
feeling of comfort can get into serious trouble. It's very
likely that you're falling into the same destructive pattern
you've already lived through before. If your past relationships
have been destructive, look for new relationships that make you
feel very uncomfortable. After a year you may get used to the
feeling that nothing bad is happening in your new improved
relationship.

Work on that first. The B&D part is easy.

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Re: C: human dildo advice
Date: Wed, 27 Feb 2008 13:23:02 -0500
From: "Alice Mason"

Elliot wrote:

>two or three inexpensive condoms should numb him. If not, try
>four.

But wouldn't/couldn't that prevent him from possibly sustaining
an erection?

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Re: C: human dildo advice
Date: Wed, 27 Feb 2008 23:29:20 -0000
From: "tom osbourne"

My Mistress tried many ways to find a solution to this problem
and after many trials found that the best thing was a penis
extension condom that can be purchased very cheaply on many sex
toy websites.

It has the added bonus of giving Mistress a further 2" of
penetration and because the extension covers the head of the
penis there is no sensation at all that the male can feel while
penetration occurs so climax from physical sensation is
virtually impossible

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Re: C: human dildo advice
Date: 28 Feb 2008 18:48:17 -0000
From: Soumis

O wrote:

>apparently a gag dildo -snip- (If anyone knows where to
>purchase the latter, please advise)

To Sub O:

My mistress had me purchase the mouth dildo for her through
Stockroom. It's a black rubber cock gag on the inside of the
leather face strap, and a larger black dildo on the outside.
Very effective.

Soumis

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Re: C: human dildo advice
Date: 28 Feb 2008 20:39:04 -0000
From: sarah

I appreciate all the advice, where would I find a condom
extension? The one issue would be a way to keep him hard until
I'm done with him.

I also use another slave as a licking slave, his only job is to
provide me with orgasms when I need them. When I am finished, so
is he, I make him leave. he is under a chastity device so he
doesn't get to masturbate, usually he will release with that
after it builds for so long.

I make it clear to them that they are here for one reason and
that is to keep me pleasured. I would love to hear from some
mistresses that keep slaves this way, not just from the subs.

sarah

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C: masturbation - golden penalty questions
Date: 28 Feb 2008 20:45:13 -0000
From: sarah

I have given thought to having my licking slave be able to
masturbate and cum only if he is willing to let me piss in his
mouth as he masturbates, done slowly as not to gag but if I
finish before he does, then he has to wait till I have to go
again.

he would get to decide if that's his choice or not, nothing is
ever forced on my slaves.

Has anyone had any experience's doing this? What are the pros
and cons of doing this to your slaves, and is it possible to
ruin a good slave with something like this?

I do find it intriguing to do that, adds quite a bit of
dominance over them on my part which i just love.

sarah

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Re: C: masturbation - golden penalty questions
Date: 1 Mar 2008 05:31:06 -0000
From: TruthTold

yes, drinking your pee is the first proof of any man's devotion
as a sub. 'straight from the tap' is best since it reduces the
chance of bacteria which is automatically going to be contracted
from any analingus activity.

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Re: C: new femdom on your list
Date: 1 Mar 2008 05:18:37 -0000
From: TruthTold

mostly lacking in man control is ball control! once you 'have
him by the balls' (willingly); his mind soon follows.

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P: E-mail Exchange of Self-Punishment Assignments
Date: Fri, 29 Feb 2008 17:27:05 -0000
From: "mentisa"

Man seeks Woman for Exchange of Self-Punishment Assignments

Hello,

Would you like me to give you commands to punish yourself? Would
you send me similar assignments for my own self-punishment?

I am a happily-married, retired man whose wife has no interest
in BDSM. During my self-punishment and self-bondage activities I
always wish - and sometimes pretend - that a woman is directing
me to perform those acts. My enjoyment would be richer if a real
woman were giving me commands to punish myself, even if she were
playing a role.

If you are an intelligent female and you would like to have an e-
mail buddy who will punish you by your own hand - and you are
willing to reciprocate - please respond. Perhaps each of us can
be a creative disciplinarian for the other. (I stole some of
these words from an old email I found on a bondage website;
sorry about the plagiarism.)

This is a safe arrangement. I am looking for an email
relationship only. I don't want to meet you, talk on the phone,
or exchange photographs. I will not ask questions about your
body. No money will be involved.

If you have always been a bottom and feel that you would not
know how to dominate a man, I assure you that you would. Years
ago, a girlfriend and I both found ourselves in that
situation... and each of us discovered that we knew almost
instinctively how to direct and control the other. We soon
learned how to speak as "the boss," and then we had a lot of
fun, alternating. If there is some awkwardness at first, so
what?

If you are interested, please send me an email at:-

mentisa@cfl.rr.com

We can compare our interests and needs and find out if we are
compatible.

I am ready for my punishment. Are you?

Mentisa

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Re: P: E-mail Exchange of Self-Punishment Assignments
Date: 1 Mar 2008 16:34:07 -0000
From: anala

Hi Mentisa,

I saw your add and I am very interested in your ideas.

I am 45 and a married woman, but my husband is living out of
country for work, and visits me twice a year. So I need some
discipline to guide myself. Therefore I am very interested to be
a buddy for you. I can call you Master. I am new to this life
but I read lots of web sites and learn.

Where are you and when can we start our session. Your email
address is wrong. I could not send any email. Please email me.

Anala

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Re: P: E-mail Exchange of Self-Punishment Assignments
Date: Sat, 01 Mar 2008 21:48:58 +0000
From: "Christine" at u4ds.com

Hello,

Anala wrote:

>Mentisa -snip- Your email address is wrong. I could not send
>any email. Please email me.

I think you'll find the email address given works, it is best to
copy and paste rather than type.

But if it doesn't work and you wish to post your own email
address to the blog then you have to send in a post via email as
it clearly says if you click on the link for direct contact on
the blog.

sincerely,
Christine at u4ds.com

Renew or get your DOMestic password at
http://u4ds.com/password

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